Study Finds ‘Bacon-Wrapped Vaccine’ More Likely to Appeal to Skeptical Americans

Shrimp, dates, and vaccines. All three of these things have one thing in common: if you wrap them in bacon, it’s really fucking good.

In a study conducted at Hardverd University led by Dr. Phineas Snodgrass, vaccines were more favorable by Americans when wrapped in layers of bacon. Cheese and ham and kale and other incentives were also possible vehicles of delivery.

“Our lab was given a grant to figure out what would help the American population take the vaccine more readily,” says Dr. Snodgrass. “We thought about a lot of things – like maybe we if made the vaccine a fun color or maybe if each vaccine came with a coupon for a free onion blossom at your favorite steakhouse. I mean, the possibilities were endless.”

As many Americans go to get vaccines, many still aren’t convinced it’s a thing.

“Then I had a eureka moment!” says Dr. Snodgrass. “There are a few things that Americans claim to love more than anything: guns, freedom and bacon. I mean can’t do anything with guns, that’d be a no-no and freedom, well not sure how to integrate that, but bacon, I mean come on! It was a no brainer!”

In the trials that took place, several groups were administered the vaccine wrapped in something or the other. While bacon was favored overall, kale actually came in second. Coupons for free onion blossoms also were a hit, but once the coupon was received no one came in to get the vaccine.

“In hindsight we should have probably given the onion blossom coupons AFTER the vaccine was given,” says Dr. Snodgrass in a matter-of-fact tone.

Local resident Mary L. participated in the study. She was initially not very happy at all about “all this damn COVID business” but came around after the study.

“Well, bacon is fun! I mean I didn’t even notice anything else when I saw the vaccine with all that bacon – vax me again and again and again!” said Leonard.

Vegan participants were provided with vegan bacon.

“My lab and my research are woke AF,” says Dr. Snodgrass.

Bacon-wrapped vaccines will slowly roll out once approval from state agencies is granted and Dr. Snodgrass is hopeful it will all take off like hot cakes (he chuckled heartily when he said ‘hot cakes’ because bacon and hot cakes go well together).